Recently when a lady passed a derogatory and oppressive remark on an extraordinarily talented human being based on his colour, Malayalis got a shock that colourism still exists. From households to social media, debates and outcries took place on the same. But if you ask me about the same, I agree that the remark was inhuman and oppressive. But I am not shaken by this remark. I am not shaken by the fact that colourism and the so-called glamour standards still exist within the Malayalees of the 21st century.
Yes, still it exists among us, from households to public places in different forms which we don’t even notice. The fact is that we became more aware of it when a lady had the courage and audacity to make such a regressive statement against a human being openly. But trust me, colourism still exists hideously among us and within us, even in this progressive and educated era of Kerala. The fact that this inhuman phenomenon exists among Malayalees who beam with pride when they say that they are from the most “literate state” in India is shameful. This also points fingers to the fact that it is high time to change the existing parameters used for measuring literacy, as we are only proving that it is inadequate and inefficient.
At times, people don’t even realise that they are making a regressive statement so casually. The amount of trauma that they cause to the other person is just so immeasurable and I wish they knew this pain.
Being a Malayali, I have also got a good share of trauma through this way. I was born as a medium-skinned child to both fair-skinned and dark-skinned parents. (Mentioning this just for more clarity so that you understand what I am going to say, even though I hate categorising people in terms of any superficial characteristics) Truthfully speaking they didn’t have any concern about my colour, but the people around me did. I have grown up hearing stories from my parents about how I was treated based on my colour that too by some very close family members. And this continued while I grew up. Yes, as a kid I did feel sad at times but I didn’t care much delving into the pleasures of my childhood. But once I grew up, through various situations only I came to realise the amount of damage that these oppressive remarks and treatments had made on me. I grew up to be an underconfident and meek young girl who didn’t even realise her weaknesses for the longest time. I was deep down insecure about my skin tone and appearance. It took me a lot of time and effort to make me fall in love with myself and the way I am. And that was indeed one of the best realisations and journeys that I have been through so far and trust me, it was all worth it. Today I am proud of myself, my appearance and my confidence. Moreover, I have completely accepted myself.
Still, I am sad to say that even after years and the spread of progressiveness all over, I get these kinds of remarks occasionally from random people. Now that I am more aware of the seriousness of the issue, I block these remarks from getting into my heart in the best way possible, but still, it hurts here and there. Remarks like you are not as fair as your mother and grandmother despite me having my mother’s facial features and looking exactly like her, hurts to the core at times. Especially during bad days, it also becomes one of many reasons to whine about.
Mostly I have observed that these kinds of remarks are often made by older people, who are unaware of the political correctness that is prominent in this era which was non-existent in their era.
But I was shocked when recently I got such a remark from one person who belonged to my generation. I mean today’s generation. During a very normal conversation, this person casually commented that I don’t fall into the typical Malayali glamour construct. Oh boy! I don’t want your validation but I was shaken and devastated by the fact that colourism and glamour standards still exist even among today’s generation. Even though generations have passed by and time has flown, now it is proven that change is not universal. Still, there exist people who are stubborn with their views and perspectives even if those things cause harm to their fellow beings.
Yes, experiences are relative and if you fall into the so-called glamour construct by birth, then you might not even relate to what I am trying to say. To all such people who believe in this age-old oppressive colourism theory, you never know how much you hurt another human being through your insensitive comments on the others’ looks, colour or appearance. Especially when these are things which we get by birth and we have no control over, we fall into deep pits of disappointment and insecurity over these comments which might seem to be silly to you.
Knowingly or unknowingly, you cause trauma to the other person through your words. And the effect of this trauma can go with them till their graveyard. It is like an infinity loop from which it is so hard to get out.
All my fellow beings, it is a request from a human being who was once hurt by these insensitive remarks about her skin tone and looks, please don’t be this insensitive. Neither the other person’s look nor skin tone will cause any damage to you. Just live and let live. You might be “privileged” by birth but it’s not the case for everyone else. It hurts a lot when you are being commented on things that you have no control over. Try to understand the basics of genetics and how traits like skin colour, facial features, etc. are being transferred to the next generation. The appearance or skin tone of a child doesn’t matter to any “good” parent out there.
Who told you that being “white” in colour defines glamour?
The real beauty lies in one’s heart, in one’s personality. There is no point in saying that a fair-skinned person is beautiful if his/her mind is toxic.
Try to be a little thoughtful and sensitive to other fellow beings, instead of being so judgemental and brutally criticising them left, right and centre.
Remember you get what you give. You might not get the returns immediately for your dos, but you can expect it back at any time in the future, in any form.
In this era where fairness creams have lost their momentum and even fair and lovely have changed to glow and lovely, change is happening. Try to change. Nobody can bring about a change in you other than you. Others can only tell, inspire or motivate you.
Expecting that this controversy and the discussions on it can bring wisdom to such people.
Dreaming and keeping high hopes for a time in the future, when people are appreciated for their personality and inner beauty. At least then, people would try to change themselves to be more “glamorous” at that point of time.
Until next time
Yours truly 🤓
Lina Anilkumar
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