Part A: Cry Part B: Scars Part C: Selfishness Part D: Dilemma Part E: Grief Part F: Illusion Part G: Freedom Part H: Relive Part I: Peace
Part A: Cry
Cried many times in life,
Cried for the first time, for the gulp of air, to be independent from my previous world,
Cried many times, for meeting needs, to cover insecurities and of course as a tool of deceit,
Crying, is always an act of preserving life, an art of letting go,
Crying, its womb filled with concealed selfishness, whatever colours are bestowed upon it, is a deceptive act,
Crying, mirror neurons get activated around it, also it is natural and effortless,
Crying, a masterful facade, where all questions are slayed, as ashes to ashes, thrown into abysses,
Crying, a good cry and a bad cry, attachment escorts it, survival conducts it,
I cried many times in life!!
Part B: Scars
I licked my scars throughout,
Battles won, but mostly lost throughout,
It is for them not for me throughout,
I was wounded and left behind throughout.
Cruel world indeed, I thought,
That is the meaning of life, I thought,
Knowing the truth, still everybody indulges, I thought,
I did not know what life was, I thought.
I kept on licking my scars throughout!!
Part C: Selfishness
I crossed my fingers and instilled hope,
I crossed my hands and uttered a hymn,
I crossed my legs and told him enough,
I crossed my arms and longed to embrace him.
Nobody understood me,
Will somebody ever understand?
Their wants are always first,
Then why should it be the opposite?
Part D: Dilemma
Peace,
Mental anguish causing loss of clarity,
I opened my eyes, then I closed my eyes,
With one eye, you can see a beautiful branded dress,
With the other eye, I can see feeble legs stitching tirelessly,
Tasted exquisite tea but can see blood in the fingertips,
Languished in chocolates, can see tired hands and tears,
Scanned her voluptuous breasts, can only see fat and stretched skin,
I opened my eyes and then I closed my eyes,
Peace, peace be upon me!!
Part E: Grief
Alas! I took refuge in grief,
Turmoil struck me mercilessly,
Drifting apart like a broken boat,
Alas! Imperfection, imperfection,
Everybody cried out in full throat,
Anger, lust, impulsive, judgmental,
Enough, I can’t bear any more, my love!
Humans are not factory-made to perfection,
Imperfections are human qualities, dear!
Alas! I take refuge in grief!
Perfections, we can only strive,
It is what it is, my love!
I am a human being!!
Part F: Illusion
Illusion illusion, whatever it may be,
Sun and Moon gravitated from east to west,
Whereas Ma Earth preferred from west to east,
Communion of celestial bodies, whether it is holy or unholy,
Resulting spawning leads to spiralling experiences,
Waking in the day or dormant in the night,
I thought and thought, again thought and thought,
Is this existence real or unreal? Don’t make it complicated,
Illusion illusion, whatever it may be!!
Part G: Freedom
I tried to break the shell,
They tried to keep me in a hull,
Alas, profound unhappiness struck me,
Still unable to figure out what is good for me!
They professed that being like others is the norm,
Still can’t figure out what they mean by norm,
Everything is unique and different,
Freedom is an expression of your differences!!
Part H: Relive
Can I relive again?
I felt insatiate.
Can I relive again?
I sucked a big black nipple,
I drank fluids of different types.
It was different colours and textures,
It tastes different, but still, something is missing.
Still, I felt that it was not enough, throughout.
I ate throughout, I played with myself and others,
I thrust deep, I received full,
Still, something was missing.
What is it? Still can’t figure out,
Misery, reeled in confusion, what was it?
I thought I was the best, I know everything,
Looked down on others, mocked everyone,
Drenched in pleasures, masked myself,
Religion, philosophy, and masturbation,
Is there anything which I haven’t tried?
I felt insatiate, not enough isn’t it?
Agony, frustration, you name it,
All came in full force, felt no time left.
Can I re-live again, please?
Did I help others? Did I show compassion?
Did I accept my position in nature?
Did I ever think I was the only one among them?
I felt remorse, got a chance but did not use it,
I felt insatiate, furious, dejected and whatnot.
People around me still struggled to figure out
Can I re-live again, can I?
Part I: Peace
Peace,
I lay still, I lay cold,
Flowers adorned me.
Perfumes embraced me,
I was at utmost peace.
I ran and ran, and ran,
Worn out, and burn out,
Rest and peace were at bay,
I felt like I had finished a trip.
Never enjoyed in full,
Never saw anything full,
Always prayed and thought it would fill,
Good days were coming to fill.
Here I lie, still and cold,
Flowers adorned me,
Perfumes embraced me,
I was at utmost peace.
Peace be upon me!!
Name: Rajesh Thekkanmar
Pen name: Thekkanmar
Bio: തെക്കന്മാർ.
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